Learning about Therapeutic Parenting

Openness is about maintaining and nurturing the meaningful connections that exist between the adopted child/youth and their first/original parents, siblings, extended family members, foster parents, and/or other significant people in their life.  Original parents and their extended family hold the pieces of their child/youth’s identity and history. It is important to allow for opportunities to share information, maintain connections, and acknowledge and address loss. Openness can minimize further losses for a child and support them in their healing journey.

Openness can take place in many forms, in terms of the type, frequency, and duration of contact.  Openness used to be considered on a continuum of closed at one end and open at the other. There is a move to look at Openness in terms of being open hearted. Developing an openness plan occurs on a case-by-case basis to ensure that the needs of the specific child/youth, including their safety and well-being, are met. While previous access arrangements were likely implemented while the child/youth was in Extended Society Care, a new Openness agreement will be determined during the adoption process. Openness in adoption can evolve and change over time and will flourish from the commitment, communication, and flexibility of those involved. Planning for openness can happen as soon as adoption becomes part of the child/youth’s permanency plan and is often supported by the Office of the Children’s Lawyer.

Questions to consider and explore:

• Who are the important people/ relationships in this child/youth’s life? What are the child/youth’s preferences for openness at this time?
• What recommendations for openness are there for this child/youth?
• What have ongoing connections looked like for this child/youth while they have been in Extended Society Care?
• What thoughts or feelings come up for me when I consider the idea of openness?
• What support do I need, when thinking about openness?

Resources:
https://lavenderluz.com/

Therapeutic support can be a valuable tool for all those in the adoption galaxy. All children and youth in Extended Society Care have had Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES). These experiences may include incidents or patterns of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, neglect, caregiver mental health and/or substance use, the loss of a parent (due to separation, divorce or death), incarceration of a relative, and/or exposure to violence.  Children/youth in Extended Society Care have had numerous relationship losses and disruptions, including those related to their original families, foster families, and communities. The more ACEs that a child/youth experiences, especially without the presence of a supportive adult to buffer the effects, the more likely they are to experience toxic stress which can have many negative impacts.

‘‘No one who’s experienced significant adversity (or many ACEs) is irreparably damaged, though we need to acknowledge trauma’s effects on their lives. By reducing families’ sources of stress, providing children and adults with responsive relationships, and strengthening the core life skills we all need to adapt and thrive, we can prevent and counteract lasting harm’’ (Harvard University, Centre on the Development Child, ACEs and Toxic Stress)

As such, it is important to recognize and address the impacts of trauma as well as the 7 Core Issues in Adoption (Silverstein and Kaplan), which include Loss, Rejection, Guilt/Shame, Grief, Identity, Intimacy, Mastery, and Control. These experiences can impact children/youth in many ways, including their development, how their needs are expressed and met, how they explore and understand their world, how they engage and respond in relationships, their physical health, mental health,  behaviors, and so on.

As an adoptive parent, it is crucial to identify what resources the adopted child/youth may already be accessing. Consider the following: what supports are recommended (for yourself, your child(ren), and family), and what services are available within your region? Recommendations may include assessment for the child/youth, individual therapeutic support (depending on the child/youth’s age), family therapy or parenting support. Therapeutic support can help to develop and work towards goals such as improving communication, nurturing safe and secure relationships, processing grief and loss, and developing coping skills. Throughout Ontario, there are a number of resources available, such as community mental health agencies, private practitioners, respite, and support groups. In addition, it can be helpful to develop informal support, such as family and friends, who can provide you and your family with emotional and practical care.

Questions to consider and explore:

• What resources/supports are the child/youth currently accessing?
• Are there treatment recommendations to be aware of?
• What support do I need as a parent? What support do other members of my family need (if applicable)? Pathways
• What support is available within my region? https://adoption.on.ca/support-and-connections/parent-support-groups/

https://www.adopt4life.com/p2p
https://adoption.on.ca/support-and-connections/

Resources:

Trauma:

https://burkefoundation.org/what-drives-us/adverse-childhood-experiences-aces/

https://beaconhouse.org.uk/resources/

https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma

https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/aces/

https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/toxic-stress-derails-healthy-development/Attachment

http://maryjoland.ca/when-we-are-very-young/

https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/resources-for-parents/

https://www.ontario.ca/page/attachment-consultation-and-education-service

The strengths and needs of all children and youth are varied and unique. Along the journey of parenting and adoption you may learn that a child/youth has certain diagnoses or presenting needs. You are encouraged to learn more about how the individual child/youth experiences any particular need, including what it means for them and their everyday life. For example, you can inform yourself on:

• what support is needed for their activities of daily life (i.e., eating, mobility, bathing, toileting etc.);
• what resources and services you’ll need to connect with (i.e., specific medical professionals, developmental agencies, speech and language services, pediatricians, respite services, agencies to support with assistance devices and equipment, and so on);
• what financial supports(link to finance page) might be available, and;
• if your region has the required services to meet the child/youth’s needs. Depending on the diagnosis and type of medical intervention needed, you may find that the child/youth may benefit froma specific resource (i.e., a Specialized Children’s Hospital). This may subsequently require a new referral to your regional medical service or travel/accommodations to ensure that they are seen by the appropriate provider.

Below is a resource bank with links to where you can learn more about a variety of topics, including some of the more commonly identified diagnoses.  AdoptOntario and the Adoption Council of Ontario also provide a number of opportunities to support your learning.

FASD

https://canfasd.ca/
https://www.ontario.ca/page/fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder-fasd-programs-and-services
https://fasdontario.ca/

Speech and Language

https://www.osla.on.ca/page/ResourcesforParents
https://www.ontario.ca/page/preschool-speech-and-language-program

Brain Development

https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/serve-return-interaction-shapes-brain-circuitry/
https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/brain-architecture/

Autism

https://www.autismontario.com/
https://autismcanada.org/autism-explained/
Autism Ontario
100_Day_Tool_Kit_Young_Children.pdf (autismspeaks.org)

ADHD

https://caddac.ca/
https://www.cheo.on.ca/en/resources-and-support/adhd.aspx#Books

Questions to consider and explore:

-What resources/supports are the child/youth currently accessing?
-Are there treatment recommendations to be aware of?
-What supports are available within my region?
-What does daily life look like for this child/youth?

The Adoption Council of Ontario and AdoptOntario strongly believes that the voices of those within the adoption galaxy need to be heard and honored. Along the journey of adoption, we encourage you to:

• ask the child/youth for their perspectives and experiences;
• seek to learn and understand the child/youth’s unique strengths and needs;
• consider how openness can be developed in a safe, respectful, and beneficial way
• learn more about the 7 Core Issues in Adoption;and
• access resources to guide, inform, and support you.

The Adoption Council of Ontario has developed a page called Through a Child/Youth’s Eyes which you are encouraged to review and reflect on: https://adoption.on.ca/ci/galaxy-of-adoption/through-a-child-or-youths-eyes/

If you are embarking on the journey of public adoption in Ontario, it will be helpful to explore the financial factors associated with the process. Although there is no cost to prospective adoptive parents who are adopting a child or youth in Extended Society Care, it is important to consider potential financial obligations related to child care, therapeutic expenses, medical costs, respite, home modifications, recreational activities, travel related to maintaining the child/youth’s relationships, and so on.

There are a number of financial supports available when adopting a child/youth in Extended Society Care, including various subsidies; these include targeted subsidies for adopting siblings or older children, standard subsidies for adopting younger children, and other subsidies for adopting children with identified and special needs.

Financial support for specific needs or diagnoses may also be available for some children/youth. For example, children/youth with a diagnosis of Autism are eligible for funding to support them with certain services, and parents of a children/youth who require assistive devices may receive funding to cover a portion of the device. Additionally, families who have children with a disability may qualify for the Disability Tax Credit and/ or Registered Disabilities Savings Plan Account (for children who qualify for the Disability Tax Credit, this Saving Plan can assist with long term planning for children/youth, similar to an RESP).

Children or youth who have been in Extended Society Care may be able to access support such as the After Care Benefits Initiative or the Living and Learning Grant

Your adoption practitioner or local Children’s Aid Society can provide guidance on available supports and post-adoption resources.

Questions to consider and explore:

-As an adoptive parent, what support and resources are available to me through the Children’s Aid Society/ government? How can I access these?

-What supports might my adopted child/youth have access to, now and/or in the future?

-Could I benefit from financial advice to best understand my situation and develop a plan?

Everyone’s educational experience is different and we all have our own strengths and challenges. For some children/youth, school might feel like a safe haven and provide them with a source of connection, and for others, school might feel daunting or stressful. Some children/youth may have frequently changed schools, while others may have only ever attended one school, making strong ties to that community. It is important to hear the child or youth’s voice around their educational experience.

Most children/youth who are adopted receive an Individual Education Plan (IEP) that is developed to meet their needs within a learning environment. A child/youth may have also received a formal assessment that can provide insights and recommendations related to their development, learning, mental health, and so on.

Adoptive families can reach out to their local school early to introduce themselves and begin forming a relationship with the school. Parenting a child/youth who has complicated needs means that caregivers will need to work closely with the school in order to best meet those needs. As such, adoptive parents will need to plan for practical considerations such as needing to attend frequent meetings and appointments, managing modified school schedules (if applicable) or accessing specialized placements (if applicable). For some adoptive parents, this means that they need to adjust their work commitments and explore other supports, such as child care, transportation, or specialized services.

In order to continue supporting the child/youth’s education it will be important to understand what their educational journey has looked like so far; how their early life experiences may have impacted their learning and development, and what areas may benefit from additional support and advocacy.

Questions to consider and explore:

-What does education look like for this child/youth? Are there learning/behavior/ mental health supports in place within their learning environment?

-What has the child/youth’s educational experience been like? What are some things that they enjoy or do not enjoy about school?

-How can we best coordinate the child/youth’s transition into their new school?

-How might I advocate for my child in school?

Interracial adoption is the adoption of a child of one racial ethnicity into a family of different racial ethnicity. Careful consideration and in-depth self-analysis are essential components when exploring if your family has the capacity to manage the additional identity and racial development and support.

Intercultural adoption is the adoption of a child into a culture that is different from their own. The child and adoptive family share the same racial ethnicity but come from different cultural backgrounds.

As prospective adoptive parents who are considering a transracial or transcultural placement, it is essential to begin the preparation process as far in advance as possible. It is important to remember that transracial and transcultural adoption adds an additional layer of complexity to adoption and needs to begin with your self-exploration of race, privilege, and prejudice, prior to adopting and continuing this work throughout the entire lifespan.

Some Questions to ask yourself?

• How many friends do you have of another race or culture?
• What types of things do you seek to know about other cultures?
• Do you attend multicultural events and celebrations?
• Have you incorporated other races and cultures into your home life?
• Are the schools/educators in your area diverse with children of many cultures?
• How do your extended family members view people of a different race?
• How can I prepare my family to experience racism when we are a transracial family?
• How can I advocate for multicultural educational materials in the schools?

How to incorporate culture

• Embed it into every day life
• Friends and professionals in your network should represent your child’s ethnicity ie medical professionals, childcare, educators, places of worship
• Diverse community and school
• Music, food, TV, movies, books, artwork
• Participate in cultural groups
• Join cultural groups and programs, extracurricular activities

Raising a transracial adoptee tips from adopted people

The best resource is learning from transracially/transculturally adopted people.

https://chlss.org/blog/tips-for-raising-a-transracial-adoptee/

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/ten-things-adult-transracial-adoptees-want-know/

https://www.bcadoption.com/content/articles?keys=transracial

https://www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/racism-and-your-child

Articles

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/real-talk-on-race-transracial-adoptees-1.3500032

https://www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/discovering-my-heritage

Canadian Books

Older Sister, Not Necessarily Related: A Memoir

by Jenny Heijun Wills

Research Papers

https://cwrp.ca/publications/all-my-relations-native-transracial-adoption-critical-case-study-cultural-identity

https://ourspace.uregina.ca/bitstream/handle/10294/9036/McCloy_Carrie_MSW_Fall2019.pdf?sequence=3&isAllowed=y

https://academic.oup.com/pch/article/11/7/443/4614551 2006

Looking for participants: https://www.ucalgary.ca/research/participate/study/15273/what-are-experiences-black-transracial-adoptees-who-are-raised-white-parents-north

Webinars

Antiracism for Kids and Families

https://chlss.org/education-events/webinars/

Books

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption/adoptionsuggestedbooks/books-kids-transracial-black/

Podcasts

Canadian Transracial Adopted People Share their journeys

• Jenny Heijun WillsKorean Adoptee to Ontario, Canada, transracial adoptee and author

https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/133

https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/218

• Mariette Williams Haitian-Canadian adopted in the 90s shares her journey

https://www.adopteeson.com/search?q=transracial%20

• Raven Sinclair Indigenous woman adopted in Prairies in 60s

https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/e110raven

• Black Transracial Adopted young adults in their 20s sharing their perspectives 2 African-American

males, 1 Haitian-Canadian

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/panel-young-adult-transracial-adoptees/

Camps for Transracial Adoptees and their families in Canada

British Columbia

http://www.harambee.ca/

Children and Youth in Extended Society Care come from a variety of different backgrounds, including their own religion, spirituality, and/or belief system; these may vary from your own beliefs or from the beliefs that are generally held in your community. Meeting a child/youth’s spiritual and religious needs may include listening to and seeking to understand their beliefs, supporting their attendance and participation in worship and events, accommodating religious dietary practices, connecting them with other members of their religious community, and so on. Your own education and engagement with their community and belief system can help to support the child/youth’s identity and sense of acceptance. Sensitivity is also required when sharing your own religious practices and beliefs with the child/youth. The placement of a child/youth into a family with different religious background can create some confusion or conflict internally for the child or within the family relationships. Adoptive families are encouraged to seek out support in reflecting on their own practices and beliefs, informing themselves about the beliefs of the child/youth and their first family, supporting the child/youth’s self-determination and autonomy, and intentionally nurturing the child/youth’s sense of self and identity.

Questions to Consider and Explore:

– What are my religious and spiritual beliefs? What are the religious and spiritual beliefs of the child/youth and their first family?

-How will I respond to differences in religious beliefs/practices? How do I think my family/community will likely respond?

-What education do I need in order to better understand the child/youth’s religious practice? How can I explore this with the child/youth in a way that supports them to feel safe and accepted?